im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
