Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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