I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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