Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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