omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize