my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
