All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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