Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
