I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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