My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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