My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
