Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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