11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
