The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
