I think my fart just growled at me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
