he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
