Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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