And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Congratulations! We have a period
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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