Umm I'm too high to move.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize