He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
