bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can text with my tongue
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
