So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
