Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
