yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
