Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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