Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
