i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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