i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
