listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do herpes really smell.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
