It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
