if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
