Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
