Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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