the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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