Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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