Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
