note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I look better un-naked...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
