You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
