his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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