Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
