I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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