So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
