today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
