I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
