I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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