Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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