dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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