Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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