tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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