hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
