Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
