she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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