sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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