before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
