My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
