coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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