Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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