I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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