is your mom at the bar?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
