Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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