What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i believe in u and ur pee
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
