I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
