Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
