so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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