ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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