come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
