I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
