And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You are the jesus of drinking
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
