It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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