she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
