he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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