I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
