dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
