That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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