omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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