please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
