About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize