By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
