4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
