Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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