so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize