i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
