She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
