Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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