I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
