3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have tasted many bathrooms
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
