You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
