I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
