I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude i'm inner monologue high
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
