Don't you send me to vm
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize