My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
