I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
