i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
