she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
