FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Enjoy the penises
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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