My hand turned me down
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
